Sorting out my thoughts

This week has been a sad, sad week for me. Everything seemed to go wrong for me. But I still consider myself lucky that I have my loved ones and friends with me.

To my baby sister
Thanks for your bread from Breadtalk. You know I love that bread but always can't find it. Thanks a lot, it really means a lot to me even though it was just a piece of bread.

To Min and Jas
It was really consoling to hear (or see) those words from you. Friends suddenly seemed so much, so much more important to me. Not that it doesn't matter in the past but it suddenly seemed SO much more important than anything else. Qimin, you're right... What's the worse that can happen? Great advice there especially when applied in my context.

Okie, time to leave those unhappy moments behind... Update on the latest, happy happenings to me. I went to Reds on Sunday. Had a haircut and treatment. Err... As usual, everybody say "Got cut like don't have cut like that". Didn't want to do the treatment initially.
Shirley, the hair stylist: You want to do treatment, your ends quite dry, you know?
Me: Err... Don't want lah (No money mah...)
Shirley: You should do treatment... So that if you cut, it will look nicer...
Me: (Reluctantly) Err... Okay lor... How much huh?
That's just so typical of me. Easily cheated into buying products and services. Sigh. Anyway, the treatment like no treatment like that. The only change was that my hair is as dark as charcoal now, even darker than my hair before. Don't know why. Cost me a bomb. Spent $96 at Reds alone. Was supposed to be $119 but I used matriculation card, that's why got discount. Heh...

Yesterday broke my own record. Went to Orchard 2 times in a day... Took a cab 3 times a day... Not that I am too rich, nowhere to spend my money, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Was late for school and had an FA quiz so I took a cab to school. Then went to Orchard library to study after class. Was late for LTB meeting, so took a cab back to school. Then went to town with Ben, Yin Chao and Vanessa for dinner. 4 people - so taking a cab would be cheaper than taker a bus.

Totally broke now. But it's nearly the end of the month again! Yep, money! =) My dad and mum just reminded me this morning that my bank book was used up and I should apply for a new one. That was the result of me spending too much. Sigh. But what to do? Girls always need to spend money. On haircut, clothes, bags... This is personal grooming to me. Heehee... It's important to look good and smart, especially when you are about to go into or even in the working world. Anyway, there is a new shop in town - Forever 21. Went in today. The clothes weren't as expensive as I imagined it to be, at least not as expensive as Mango and Zara. Will drop by one day to do some proper shopping. Wah. My sister just told me she saw my pink Mango jacket in Spain. It was only 39 euros, which means S$66. I bought at $99. Should have asked her to buy the blue one for me.

Okie... Shall stop blogging for now. I'm hungry now. I want to eat my Timeout!
PS: I really miss the 26/02 girls... QM, Jas, Sindy, WL, CC, TC, Ali... I miss you, babes. Can't wait for term to end so that we can meet up again. Blog more, peeps!

Bad, bad day

My life is in a terrible mess now. I really don't understand how things turned out this way. I am having a mixture of feelings now - both fuming and sad. I hate my life the way it is now. Absolutely detest it. Loathe it. But what can I do? I guess I am a person who firmly believes in the power of external locus of control. I believe everything is preplanned for me and mapped out for me. Whoever up there must hate me a lot. Or this must be my karma and hence my terrible life right now. Or it could be because of the stupid, fat crow who hit me on the head on my way to Bendemeer 4 years ago - 7 years of bad luck. Life sucks. Sorry for my ranting and raving here.
First of all, I really wish to apologize to my Communications group members. I feel as if it is my fault that we only got a B+ for our Business Report. I am truly sorry but I felt that I had done my best. Given the amount of time we have, I did not even think of refering to the textbook for information. But I truly hope that our future meetings will be effective and final presentation good. Please...
Secondly, I have a few words for Prof Teoh. You are the suckiest and lousiest Prof that ever exist, in this whole wide world. Attending your lessons has been a total waste of time. I rather spend my time sleeping than look at you big dumpling. Please ask yourself what you have taught us for the past 10 weeks because not only me, but Shing Lei and Yin Chao also agree with me that we have learnt nothing. I am seriously considering asking SMU for a refund of my $2,600 of school fees for this semester and maybe you should compensate us for our loss of time and waste of money. Prof Teoh B.S. (Read: Teoh Bull Shit), I hate you.
Thirdly, I don't know how I can continue to survive SMU. I feel so suffocated now. I feel as if I have been thrown into a big ocean, angry waves around me. I am drowning. Everytime I try to do something different because I want to live my life to the fullest, I feel as if somebody gives me a blow. I really cannot make myself live up to the motto "We Love SMU" anymore.
I have done my best in everything I could. But given my luck, I should have known it. Shouldn't have even tried. The harder I try, the more disappointed I get. In everything I do. Not only school. My life sucks. Please just end my life here.

Angry, angry and angry...

I am still so PISSED... Pek chek and angry. At everything. Don't ask me why. It's not PMS, definitely. I hate projects. Totally giving me a headache now. I am in a state of impasse. I can't start on anything or get anything started. Lots of technical errors. CD can't work, how to edit? Group members always so ineffective at meetings, what to do? Things are beyond my control, man? I have no time for all this nonsense. It's definitely the perfectionist in me again. I just want to work things out. I hate in when people keeps MSN-ing during project meetings. I just want to do my work, get it over and done with and stop seeing all your faces. How on earth can you work if you keep MSN-ing? We are right here in front of you, just open your DAMN mouth and talk... Why must you MSN when we are right in front of you? SHUCKS...
I am totally sorry to all those people I snapped at just now... Truly sorry. I am just not feeling my best now.

I Hate Free-Riders!

The pressure is starting to get to me... I have 2 presentations due within the next 2 weeks and 2 more project deadlines coming. I am terribly sick of school and projects now. My Communications Project is doomed. I really don't know what to incorporate in the presentation. Should I do a debate? But where to find so much information within such a short period of time? Shucks. And for the LTB Presentation. Boohoo. Yin Chao! I can't open the CD you passed me. How to edit? What on earth is going on? Oh my gosh. How to get things started? Everything is not working well. I just want to open that damn CD... I have tried ALL the CD-Rom Drives in my house, but I simply can't get it started. Just kill me. I am fully packed this week. Tonnes and I mean tonnes of project meetings.
Things are starting to get on my nerves. I am really PISSED by project mates who talk more than they do. On the surface, these people paint a really pretty picture, but ultimately, they put in zero effort. People who don't bother checking their e-mails or informing group mates of a change in handphone number. I will not go so low as to plead you to come to our group, even though you may have some background in Accounting. So what? I hate people who don't bother turning up for project meetings in rows. We don't need you, man. The thing that I have learnt in SMU so far is to choose the right project mates. I hate free-riders. They make people's life miserable. Why on earth do they even exist?Each of us are responsible for our own grade. All of us are busy but if each of us just do our part, things can resolve... Free riders, you make my life miserable!

I am back...

Haven't been blogging for a week. School has already resumed for a week although I wouldn't call last week a holiday... I had to go to school practically everyday during the "holidays". =( Who said SMU is vibrant and full of life? It is a lie, a scam to get people in there. If SMU is different, why do I have to go to school everyday for project meetings? Boohoo... On a serious note, time really flies... Next week will be Week 10. Wow. Week 15 will end this semester. What have I been doing for this past 10 weeks?
Anyway, let me recall the spectaculars of this past week. Oh ya... This week began with the moment that all of us in Tri-Circle has been awaiting for... The BIG CONFESSION... Oh my gosh! Shing Lei is my new hero. I would never ever do what she did in a million years, not even if you kill me! Wah... Really memorable and funny. I still remember William said "Da Xue Jiu Shi Da Xue... Shi Ai Fang Shi Dou Bu Yi Yang". For those of you guys who don't understand my Hanyu Pinyin, let me translate to you. It means "University is University... Professing love also takes a different form". Understand? Haha... Want to know what happen? I can't tell you peeps! If you want to know, join our LTB team lah... =) But seriously, life is short, you never know what would happen if you don't try... Hehheh...
I have recently realised something. I realised that whenever I move onto a new stage of my life, I will lose contact with the people in the previous stage of my life... This came to me when one of my Primary School mate found me on Friendster. She was one of my best buddies during my Primary School days... From Primary One to Three, if I didn't recall wrongly. We were in Dance and Brownies... Yes, guys! I was from Dance and Brownies... And Art Club... I was a highly enthusiastic youngster in my Primary School days. Heehee. But seriously, I don't want to lose all these people in my life. I don't want things to come to a point where I wouldn't even recognise them when they walk past me on the streets. This is so sad especially when there was so much camaraderie between us at a certain point of our lives. Sigh. =(
My life is a sad story. It's all SMU's fault. I hate projects... I hate Communications class all because of Prof Teoh (He is the most useless Prof that ever exist... I have learnt nothing for the past 10 weeks.) I hate climbing the BIG mountain every morning but I really like the Bukit Timah campus. Warm and cosy. Very colonial feeling... I love it! Okie, I shall stop here for now cos I am having a writer's block now.

Tiring but satisfying day...

I didn't blog yesterday! Yay! That was because I was sick... I slept all the way till 3.30pm yesterday. Woke up to a splitting headache. Felt nauseous and really uncomfortable. Sigh. Luckily I ate a Panadol - Actifast... That was really fast. In the split second that I ate that Panadol, I felt my headache subside immediately. Was that really so good or was that just a psychological illusion? Hmm... Anyway, because I slept till 3.30pm in the afternoon, I only went to bed at 4am... Was chatting on msn with dear s.
Had a really bad sleep last night. I couldn't get to sleep till like 4.45am... Then I was awoken by my handphone. =( Irritating... Then, drifted into sleep again for like 30 minutes before my sister switched on her bedroom light... I was damn irritated that I shut my door to block out the light. Then, I woke up at some weird hour of 8.15am to go to school for my FA Project Meeting. Wah... I was damn tired. My meeting place was at Raffles Building. So, I had to climb the BIG mountain to get to the main building, then cut across the big field, walk up Evans and go to Raffles... Tiring, man. This was my first time at Raffles Building. Weird and creepy place. I was a little scared partially because of the quietness of the whole place and also because of all those horror stories that I heard that happened during PowWow Camp... My meeting room was at Level 4 GSR 7. But I had to climb 7 stories... Weird, right? Because in SMU, there is such a thing called the Mezz Level ie. 1 1/2 Level, 2 1/2 Level, 3 1/2 Level... Haiz... There were many doors on the 4th floor. I didn't see the sign and entered the wrong door. Scary man! I walked into a long corridor with nothing and nobody but white doors... Just like something out of the horror show... Those endless long corridors where if you turn back, you will see something behind you. Scary! The whole place felt claustrophobic and stuffy... I was a little intimidated. Really. Then I scared so I quickly walk out of that corridor. Finally got to the right room. Haha. Then, meeting place changed. So I had to walk all the way back to the Accountancy Block. Sigh. Well, I will take it as good exercise to work off all those TimeOut that I ate yesterday...
Then I went to meet Prof Wang to check my FA paper. I asked him some questions about the paper... But I think we got communication breakdown... He is a guy from China, nice Prof but I don't understand what he was trying to explain to me. He also don't understand my English. My Chinese also half-bucket of water. Sigh. But he's really one of the nicest Prof around. He was watching some weird Chinese VCD when I entered his office. Haha.
I stayed in school to work on some FA questions for around 2 hours in the GSR, alone... I realised that I could really concentrate and work in the GSR. At least, I really sat there for 2 hours to some real, solid work. But, the negative point is that it was damn cold. I didn't bring my sweater today so I was freezing. Plus I was hungry and had the urge to go to the loo. But I couldn't because I can't leave my laptop lying around unattended. So, I finally understood how the "Mai Huo Cai De Xiao Nu Hai" felt... Cold, tired, hungry and pitiful... Haha...
I met Qimin later in the afternoon to pass her my dress. I was really happy to see her... Haven't seen her for a very long time. She's still the same as ever... Still as bright, chirpy as before... Targetting my *** as soon as she see me. Sigh. But I really feel she has grown ***... Haha. (I know you are reading this!) But I really had a very good chat with her... Haven't done so for a very long time and it felt good... Thanks for the nice, long chat! Yay! It seems that most of us 26/02 gals own a laptop now... Great! I didn't realise we would become that Internet savvy.
Oh ya! I saw this really nice Adidas bag at Adidas Original today... I quite like the red one... Really nice with unique little pockets on the side... The pockets are like that Donald Duck bag I used to bring to Kindergarden when I was a kid... Oh no... But it is $99. Sigh. I have no money how to buy? The sales person said that there are only 5 pieces... By next month, I think it will be gone. Boohoo. I have made up my resolution not to shop for the rest of this month. I have been diagnosed with the Fanatical Shopper's Syndrome... Now, I am on cold turkey and on rehabilitation. My withdrawal symptoms are blogging none stop about shopping and going to sleep so that I will not go shopping. Sigh. Pitiful me...
Anyway, I am using my home computer now to type this blog now... Don't know what is wrong with my laptop... Can't connect to the wireless network... Anybody can help me? I need to do my work...

Shopping Again!

Oops! I finally succumbed to my temptation today. I went shopping, yet again. This time I bought some thing - the blue top that I have set my eyes on for a very long time. It was not very expensive, only $19. However, little drops of water makes up a mighty ocean. If I were not such a shopping fanatic, I think I most probably am on the road to become one of Singapore's richest woman. =P Haha. I will try harder next time. I went shopping alone today... I think I am enjoying my life as a loner, very much... It's a pleasure to shop alone, with no one to yak by your side. Furthermore, I would not feel so pressurised to make any impulsive decisions on the spot. I get swayed easily by people's comments. Sigh. The $103 Nike shoes incident.

I wanted to study today. To complete that silly Learning Journal thing and my FA homework so that I can enjoy the rest of the week. But I ended up chatting on msn with my dear s! Okie, nothing much to blog today... Just hope that tomorrow will be a peaceful and quiet day. (The renovation upstairs is damn irritating) Nite.

Meaningful day...

Time really flies... Wish Upon A Star is finally over. I spent the day at Dover Park Hospice today... Decorating the place, chatting with the patients and finally, Christmas time! Time to distribute the presents! Hmmm.... The turnout was quite bad... Totally different from what I expected... Only 4-5 patients turned up. Boohoo... =( I think many patients passed away over the last week because many of the patients from the second floor were transferred down to the first level. Really saddening. Sigh. Some of the patients I saw the last time during the last visit seem weaker. One was on life support and the other was very weak, no longer able to walk about... They seemed so frail and weak. Some of them were in a bad mood. So I guess this was the reason for the poor turnout... Well, I guess I have to be realistic and not expect the party to be like some joyous birthday celebration. But what was comforting was that Madam Tan Neo, my favourite patient, really enjoyed the present we bought for her. She seemed very happy by the protrait we gave her and the radio. Yay! Madam Tan remembered my name, which kind of lifted my spirit cos it goes to show that we are not forgotten. What she said really made me happy. She said that her life was bitter but we made her life better. That was really sweet and touching. She even kept the wrapping paper we used to wrap the present with and asked us to write a message for her. She also asked us for our telephone number. I really will miss her when I stop going to the hospice. Hope she feels happy and enjoy her remaining days.

After the hospice visit, I went for dinner with my LTB group members. It was quite fun, chatting with them... Got to know them even better. But I still appreciate the fact that I do not need to see them so often after the major part of LTB is over. Haha. Afterall, meeting up means more work, right? =) I didn't eat much today or did I? Let me recall... I had coffee with chocolate waffles this morning. =) (I love chocolates, though I am still having a sore throat) Ate some siew mai and swiss roll at the hospice, though they were meant for the patients... (It was turning cold, so I was just helping to clear the food and save the environment by reducing waste) I only had a drink when I went for dinner at Yoshinoya. After I went home, I ate Time Out! Oh no... I feel that I have been like eating rubbish food all day... What happen to my resolution to eat healthier food? =(

Oh ya... I received a pleasant message from Iris this morning. Thanks, Iris for the timely update! Then, on my way to the hospice, I met Susan. Another pleasant surprise. I want to go to the gym and swim this week... Realised that I have not been gym-ing for like 2 months... Neither have I been swimming since I entered SMU... I will and I will go to the gym this week! Haha. Wait for my update... I will run 2.4km in 10 minutes... I will swim 10 laps... Just wait... Okie, I am damn tired now. Shall go to sleep now, still have to go to school tomorrow for my appointment with TA. Nite.

PS: Dear sis... Glad you are back from your trip to Bordeaux. Rest well and I hope one of the wine is for me! By the way, I really am dreaming about the pebbled streets and slanted slopes. Sounds like something really out of the books. *Envy* Miss you and take care... Bonjour!

My Results Sucks... And My Fanatical Shopper's Syndrome...

Sigh... I got back my FA Mid-Term exam results today. That was fast, considering that I just had the exam yesterday. Guess what? I didn't do well... I blame no one but myself. It's all my fault for succumbing to all the distractions around me. =( Guess I just have to work harder for the final term exam. This is like 10% of the total score. This is really a wake-up call for me. To reflect on what I have been doing for the past 8 weeks. Sleeping, daydreaming, going out... I really must work harder but what to do when no answers are available to check? Sick.

I wanted to go shopping today. But I didn't in the end. Just spent the day doing some useless stuff and blogging. I really don't feel like doing anything today... Just want to relax myself after mugging for my FA for so long, even though I didn't really do very well. Honestly, I need to control myself. To stop spending so much. The last time I prepared my finanical statement in June, I spent $2000 plus. =) The figure is still growing. All these are just on clothes and gadgets. No transport and food. Thanks to my Dad! I don't think my dear sis will be able to fit her clothes in the wardrobe anymore after she returns from France. Anymore and I think the wardrobe will collapse. But, I do hope that she does some seriously shopping in Paris. It will be so cool if I can have something that people wouldn't be able to find in Singapore. =) Let me recall what significant items did I buy this year... The pair of PeaceAngel cargo pants that set me back by $89. My Canon Ixus, Adidas bag, Espirit bag, brown Roxy sweater, red Ripcurl jacket and pink Mango jacket.... The thing that is the most significant to me is my $103 Nike shoes that I bought when I went out with Shiyun. I really thought that pair of shoes was unique and nice... I have only worn it once, thanks to Desmond.... He made me feel so conscious of wearing that pair of shoes. He keeps calling me a wayang actress.... I ended up feeling like one.
Okie, I shall stop here now. Shall blog again if I am free tonight.