München!

Munich was an extremely lovely city. Possibly one of my favorite out of so many cities that I visited.

The first day in Munich was spent at Zugspitze, the highest peak in Germany. It was purported in the Lonely Planet that from the peak of Zugspitze, you would be able to see four countries: Switzerland, Italy, Germany and Austria.

Zugspitze was the place for ski-lovers. There is even a ski kindergarden for children. The kids were such a darling with their muffs and oversized ski-ing equipment that I was envisioning myself stealing one of them home. I remember wanting to steal the girl with blue eyes and long blonde hair! Vague explanation, I know, since about all German girls have blue eyes and blonde hair. Haha.

The view of the snow mountain was spectacular. The white of the snow was so clean and pure that it rendered everything so beautiful. As the wind picks up speed at an astonishing rate, the snow would precipitate its haste and rush towards you like a blitz. The astonishing view from the mountain of Germany and her neighbours were more than satisfying. The only worse part of the whole experience was the bitter cold at the top of the mountain and the fact that my suede boots were utterly wet that I suffered a minor frostbite on my toes.

The München Olympic Stadium was built for the 1972 Olympics. It was during this game that eleven Israeli atheletes were killed by the Palestinine terrorists. I finally realise what an Olympic sized swimming pool is. Gosh. The swimming pool is so huge that I think the Singapore government probably has to bulldoze the whole of one town precint in order to build one swimming pool. Now I totally understand why they say that Singapore probably has to demolish the whole of Singapore in order to host an Olympics game.

The BMW Museum that we visited was a temporal makeshift for the old BMW Museum under renovation. It was small but there were still several amazing cars that I could only own in my next life.

I was so taken by the old Rathaus of Munchen that I bought many postcards featuring it.

It started snowing on my second day in München! My first encounter with snow. Beautiful and absolutely beautiful. We then went to the Deutsche Museum. Again, according to the lonely planet, it is the second largest museum in the world, just after Museum de Lourve in Paris. I did not managed to finish the whole of the museum, just selected those sections that interest me. And I admit it, I am the biggest geek on earth because I chose the Mathematical section.

I was only in the Deutsche Museum for two hours before rushing of to the highlight of my trip in München. The Dachau Concentration Camp. Funny things that these places of past horror can do to your head. They mess up with your head and gives you depressing thoughts. But whatever it is, I like the place for all its richness in history and lessons to be learnt.

Final itinery in Munchen was the English Garden. The English garden is extremely huge. But as a true nature lover, it was beautiful to me all the same. The small rivers and lakes provided me with peace and calm so rare.

Berlin, Heidelberg and Geneva coming up soon! Beautiful places. I miss them so much already.

Gone.

Home for two days. But why am I not smiling anymore?

On the long flight home from Geneva to London Heathrow, London Heathrow to Bangkok and finally Bangkok to Singapore, I tried in desperation to search for the reason why there is a sense of dread in me returning home. After having lived alone for four whole months, the idea of going back to live with my family again feels kind of bizarre.

Those days are gone. My housemates storming around the kitchen making breakfast at 5am in the morning while I doze back to sleep. Waking up to a peaceful and quiet morning. Wrapping my thick layers of clothes, scarf and coat before leaving home. The chilly but refreshing air against my cheeks as I walk out of the house.

Now, I wake up each morning to the blasting television. My parents' chattering. The hot weather and humidity of the air slapping against my skin.

I feel so displaced now. I can feel myself being ripped apart so cruelly and rapidly.

I fear that I will lose what I have gained over the last four months of my life. I don't want to. I never want to. Because they have make me grown so much. The fall of 2006 is the stretch in my twenty-one years of existence that I have been truly happy.

I never want to forget. And I want it back so bad.

Home.

I am back in Singapore now. After more than 28 hours of flight and waiting, I am finally back home.

But why do I feel so foreign now? Why do I keep thinking about the other life that I once had?

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Germany. Four months ago, I arrived at Frankfurt International Airport with an array of emotions. I wondered whether I would be able to survive alone on my own. I had doubts over whether I would make any friends here. Other than coming here on an exchange program at the European Business School and touring the different cities of Europe, I had no other expectations about this semester abroad.

One month before I left Germany, there was already a perpetual nagging unhappiness that was filling my heart and mind. As I tick of each day towards my leaving this country, these depressing emotions continued to fill up every single inch of my breathing space. I could not sleep or eat well without making undue comparisons of my life between here and back home in Singapore. The past month has been an incredibly awkward mix of emotions. Especially in the final week when I moved into Cherry’s bedroom when she left for Paris. All in an instance, I felt so displaced and distant. That was not my room. I missed my room. I missed my space. And most importantly, I missed the life that I once owned in Germany hitherto to my stark realization that I was going to leave Germany. I felt like a lost sheep in my own house. I walk around the house every single day. To Cherry’s room and realizing that that was not my space. To my own room stripped bare from my books, bed sheets, stuffed bears and dog, clothes and every single one of my belongings.

From the first night that I arrived in Germany, I came up with the conclusion that Germans are nice people. And they really are. When I was leaving Germany today, there was so much dread in me. I had with me five pieces of luggage. What I was more concerned and flustered about was the fact that I had to change a total of three trains in order to reach Geneva. Nevertheless, throughout my journey through the trains, I met all these amazing Germans who helped me carry my luggage even without my asking. Train conductors. Teenagers. Old people. Even one polizei came up to help me lug my heavy suitcase across the train full of people. I can bet you all the chocolates in my luggage that no Singaporeans would actually lift a finger towards the plight of a complete stranger. All these simple deeds that the Germans did once again stirred the immense sadness in me. There is this weird lump in my throat now and I can already feel the wetness on my cheeks. The only thing stopping me from turning back to the country now is my sanity.

Lucky, the dog which lives downstairs did something unbelievable. When I was dragging my largest piece of suitcase from my apartment down to the ground floor, Lucky climbed all the way up to the third floor. He has never done that before. Lucky is pretty well-trained by his owner to only hang about in the courtyard. I think he wanted to say goodbye to me. Funny though, I have never displayed much liking for Lucky other than the constant “get away from me” and the perennial mad scramble up for the stairs whenever I see Lucky wandering about the courtyard and sniffing at me. To think that he would actually climb all the way up the third floor is something of an unusual phenomenon.

I wonder if this sense of vacancy that is filling up my heart is normal. Do all the tauschies feel the same way too? Or am I alone?

Final.

I hate farewells. They are never good. You never know when you would see that person again. And worse, saying goodbyes to so many people over and over again really consumes what is left of the remnants of your spirit.

I have been feeling kind of broken and forlorn of late. It only takes a word, a phrase or a song to get me crying all over again.

Had to say goodbye to my pretty Turkish friend last Thursday. And on Saturday, the lovely Mexican girls. I wish I could be more indifferent. But I cannot.

You know you are feeling really depressed when you find all ways and means not to return to an empty apartment every day. You know you are having anxiety attacks when you wake up in the middle of the night, wondering if you have packed everything into your suitcases.

Over the past four months, I have grown so attached to my room. My lovely space of my own. It may not be the best apartment around but I really love it for all the memories that it holds for me.

Unpacking my room for a final time hurts alot. Seeing my room being stripped down to its bare essence only starts to make me cry again.

My room for the final time.

So much has happened. And there are so many events that have changed my life. I think I will never be the same again.

Crazy Beautiful.

A crazy beautiful semester in Germany. Lovely friends whom I cannot be more proud of. My friends, they may not be the creme de la creme of the society, but they are truly good people who have hearts of gold. So many memories that I will hold dear to. And I shall continue to.

************

Back from my four-days trip to Hamburg and Munich. Munich was an extremely lovely city. It was snowing on my second day in Munich. Absolutely beautiful sight. We even went up to the mountains purported to be the highest peak in Germany. Blog update soon.

Anyway, there is a mouse in my house! Haha. Oh, look at how it rhymes. My housemate was so totally freaked out that she checked out of the house immediately. I am not even sure whether to feel happy that the housemate-that-I-so-utterly-dislike has left already or that I should feel petrified of the presence of a mouse in my house.

It will be a short two day trip to Berlin tomorrow. I will be travelling around Berlin alone and I am in an oh-so-ecstatic mood now. Meanwhile, all you sweeties back home take care. I will be back soon!

Reflections.

Three more weeks before I return to where I belong. There is this sense of confusion and anxiety bubbling in me now. A part of me longs to return to where my parents, sisters and friends are. I miss having my dad and mum fussing over me. I miss the Sundays where my mum would pamper me by buying me my favorite nasi-lemak for breakfast. I miss the weekend coffee sessions with my sister.

Another part of me wishes and hopes that the tide of time would stop for now. I want to continue watching the setting of the sun every evening (or rather, afternoon) by the Rhine River. I want to go for morning jogs by the river and breathe in the coldness of the morning, so chilly yet so fresh. I want to go traveling to every part of Europe and bask myself in the mysteries of the world.

It is funny how barely four months ago, I was still fussing over a luggage that exceeded the weight limit and worrying about not having anything to eat because of my lack of culinary skills. I asked Elise what her biggest takeaway was from this exchange. She told me that she loved the intensive traveling period in Europe. She didn’t think that her answer was adequate. And I gave her a less than satisfactory reply to my question.

Reflection on every single moment spent in Germany and traveling around Europe never fails to bring a smile to my face. My first time traveling alone to Paris which totally freaked my parents out. The awe-inspiring view from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Missing my train from the train station in Paris and having to take a first class train back to Germany. Being misled by the hostel website and ended up staying in a four-star hotel in Italy. First time being so drunk at the school party that I actually mistook the ambulance parked outside the Schloss as being meant for me. My first time seeing a shooting star by the Rhine River. Finishing seven jars of Nutella in a span of three months. Encountering a psychotic-and-obsessed-with-cleanliness-and-hates-me-because-I-always-speak-English-just-because-I-cannot-speak-Cantonese housemate that never fails to send chills down my spine. The exasperation at being mistaken for being a Japanese or Korean for one too many time. Spending the most beautiful birthday ever at a charming and bewitching little town called Rudesheim. Defending myself from drunken men by giving them a serious head injury. The jaw-dropping moments from staring at a rapidly depleting bank account. And then there are those dispiriting moments when I look into the mirror and discover how chubby-cheeked I have become.

I have grown to love the freedom at being able to do anything whenever I want and whatever I want. Something that does not come easy when you have overprotective parents. As much as I love my parents and being pampered by them, I think I am at the pinnacle of being independent and turning back to a sheltered life of mollycoddling seems a little too safe.

I think for once, I have found the direction in my life. I know, for one, that I am going to do a Masters overseas because I love the feeling of autonomy, traveling and studying. Then, I would work abroad, for a few months or a few years. Looking back at my life for the past 21 years, I think that there are so much more that I could achieve. I could have picked up a new language which I am going to do. No prizes for guessing what language that would be.

All these moments, I shall take with them back home. Maybe for now, I should stop wishing that time would slow down. What I need to do is to savor all these moments as long as they last.

For all the good times. And the bad times.

I shall remember.

Love.

Stronger Than Ever.

Hallo! I am still alive here. Everybody has been sending me emails and sms-es asking where the hell I have been. So, don't fret. I am still here.

Finished the last of my exams on Tuesday and handed in my paper on Friday. So I am officially done with school at the ebs. Been making trips out of Hattenheim to Wiesbaden, Frankfurt and Koblenz these few days. All I can say is, I am so in love with Christmas markets. More about that soon.

Meanwhile, take care. I love you all and I am doing fine now. Standing here stronger than ever.

I love this town and the Rhine. You are the reason why I am smiling again.