Of Death. And Dying.

I feel so out of the world today. Woke up with this feeling that I am dying. My heart was racing so fast yet my energy was lack-lustre. The thing that bothered me was how I was so not afraid of death.

The same few thoughts kept racing through my mind. How long would it take for my parents to discover that I am dead? Would my friends know that I am dead? What would people say at my wake? Will my sisters distribute my belongings equally among themselves? What would happen to my bed, pillow, stuffed bears and puppy? Would my parents bury them along with me or will they keep them to remember me? Will anybody still remember me if I ever die?

Silly as it sounds. I woke up and wrote a very long page in my diary about finality. If I ever die, my final thoughts would still be there. Ever since I was a kid, I have always had the feeling that I am going to die young.

The thought of this might seem ludicrious but I think I am ever more prepared for my curtains down. Really.