Of Death. And Dying.

I feel so out of the world today. Woke up with this feeling that I am dying. My heart was racing so fast yet my energy was lack-lustre. The thing that bothered me was how I was so not afraid of death.

The same few thoughts kept racing through my mind. How long would it take for my parents to discover that I am dead? Would my friends know that I am dead? What would people say at my wake? Will my sisters distribute my belongings equally among themselves? What would happen to my bed, pillow, stuffed bears and puppy? Would my parents bury them along with me or will they keep them to remember me? Will anybody still remember me if I ever die?

Silly as it sounds. I woke up and wrote a very long page in my diary about finality. If I ever die, my final thoughts would still be there. Ever since I was a kid, I have always had the feeling that I am going to die young.

The thought of this might seem ludicrious but I think I am ever more prepared for my curtains down. Really.

Alcohol High!

Even those myriad of lights and my intoxicated slumber could not hide those feelings bubbling in me for the many past few months. It was you and always will be you.

It was alcohol high last night. A tower of Scottish beer and 1 1/2 bottle of whiskey later rendered us happy folks once again. Dinner at Japanese restaurant, Waraku with Elise, Vic, GT and Tina before heading down for drinks. We bar-hopped for awhile before settling on the Pump Room and MoS. At the Pump Room, we had a bewildering tower of beer which amounted to 3.5 litres.
With a considerably lighter head, we walked over to MoS where the couple, Vic and Elise opened 1 1/2 bottle of whiskey. We went to the White Room and they decided to cancel our reserved sofa-bed because we were not whites. Haha. Just kidding. Tina left early and we needed at least one extra person to get our sofa-bed so GT picked up two Irishs*. Heh. GT loves Clarke Quay for all the white men that he gets to lust gawk at.

*Urphs. Apparently both of them are Irish. One of them worked in East Timor and is not from there. Haha.

Till the next time, girlfriends.

Summer. And the Beginning.

Last of the exams. Summer break is here.

I thought I would feel happy again. But you know, all these times that you have to yourself kind of makes you feel depressed at the same time. For all that I have been through the past weeks, I wish you knew. But things are always better left unsaid. It always work this way. The harder you try, the more out of reach it becomes.

Read through some of my past blog entries. Where has that vivacious and cheerful girl gone? You tell me. If growing up takes away all my smiles and laughter, I don't wanna grow up that fast afterall.

Summer. Make me happy again.

Slumber.

Amazing how little sleep I have been getting by of late. 0530hours. Get some sleep, Huiling. 0630hours. Come on, sleep now. Leave me alone, world. 0740hours. Time to rise. You weren't getting any sleep anyway. Get to school and hand in that term paper. Now.

These days, few things ever seems to make me happy. Those sporadic moments of happiness never seem to be able to last a little longer. I wish they do, you know. Because I cannot remember the last time I felt that way. I really wish you would come back to me, happiness.

And tonight, it shall be those wine and me. Again.

At least sleep would be here soon.

Those Vibes.

*Colorplay featuring some of my favorite things in the world: Le Pliage Longchamp "Shopping", Becks the German beer and Anders the laziest bear ever.