Of Everything Beautiful.

Japan.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 16:50:00 +0000

The end of 2007 marks my graduation from three and a half years in SMU. Graduation holidays in Tokyo and Kyoto for winter. In love with the red of the leaves, winter chills, tradition and temples, kimonos and random spotting of Geisha, perpetual dozing off on Japanese subways, and Burberry, Burberry and Burberry.

That River.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 16:04:00 +0000

A year ago from the beginning of everything and my perpetum. My whispers to that shooting star caught in the wind of the night. And so I shall remember, every single murmur and smile that night. For that night, I was truly blithe.

Exactly One Year Ago.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 16:53:00 +0000

Exactly one year ago, I left for Germany.

And met somebody that changed my life so much.

Moments. From Summer.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 16:12:00 +0000

Times so fleetingly transient. Yet the happiest that has been offered to me since the start of the year. If days to come are to be about tears and bitterness again, at least there were smiles and laughters in between.

Summer was not entirely about tears after all.

Tired.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 18:06:00 +0000

Every morning these days, I wake up feeling angry at this world. For everything that I have and have not. Why is it that despite everything and anything, I still feel mad at whatever it is in my life right now?

I want to not feel this way anymore.

These Days.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 14:22:00 +0000

Feeling kind of mindfarked of late. These days, all it takes is a word, a phrase or a song and I start to cry. All over again. Incoherently vulnerable. I hate the urge to cry all the time. This feeling is all too familiar and I hate that here I am, once again. I look forward to the next time when nothing in my life matters anymore. And now it will only be sweet escapes every now and then to keep myself going.

************

Sugar high at Shangri-la and then to China's. I love the multi-level connections between us. It is not everyday that you meet well-travelled Singaporeans. And I just cannot wait for the next time.

Lousy.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 19:19:00 +0000

The fatigue has set in already. Barely past my halfway mark and I am ready to call it quits. I hate being screamed at by traders. I hate having to deal with unruly clients. I hate being treated like the lowest life form on earth. I hate having to work London hours. I hate having to work 12 hours a day. And worse of all, I hate myself for feeling depressed once again.

So out of the blue that I start to feel this way again. For a moment, I thought the time has come when I see more rainbows than thunderclouds these days. Now it is back to those days again.

I am so overworked and tired. I wanna stop crying myself to sleep about everything and anything in my life right now.

Royal Copenhagen!

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 06:33:00 +0000

Weekends are ever so precious. Only time for the most beautiful things. High tea for dinner at Royal Copenhagen. Brings back those good old memories in Denmark. The closest I will ever get to the Queen are those scones and china. Pretty stuff.

These Days.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Wed, 23 May 2007 19:08:00 +0000

I love what I am doing at work right now. My boss is nice and so are my colleagues. Bumbling around the office learning new stuff on the job daily and being treated seriously takes my mind off issues.

But coming home at 3am in the morning can be downright depressing. It will be sleep for the very rare few hours before heading off to work again. 0115 hours. Oh no. I have been sitting here for the past four hours and I am still not done. 0140 hours. Hurry, hurry. My head hurts terribly. I just wanna go home and tuck myself under my fleece now. 0200 hours. Why am I pouting at the LCD screen every other day? 0230 hours. Done for the day. Its home now. I think I have clocked in a new record.

Yet despite everything, I still love my work. Sleep has become so much easier these days. And issues seem so distant nowadays. I like it the way it is.

Jaded.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Tue, 15 May 2007 16:39:00 +0000

I hate having to work London hours. The soaring towers and illuminated skyscrapers against the city backdrop only serves to make me feel even more alone than ever. And all of a sudden, I am afraid. Very afraid that everybody in my life will start to forget about me. One by one.

My body is so going to take a toll on me someday. Late nights and my vice. Yes, my body is suffering from my one and only vice. Yet it is times like this when I just want to reach out for that glass of wine to knock myself out.

Stars. Me. And You.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Fri, 11 May 2007 19:17:00 +0000

I have grown so attached to the stars. Everytime I walk along the streets at night or enjoy the dazzling beauty from the left side of the seat, I tell myself that they belong to me.

And when I look up at the skies, there is only one person at that moment whom I miss so very much.

Nobody.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Thu, 10 May 2007 08:11:00 +0000

And now, I realise that nobody in this farking world cares about me or loves me at all. Nobody.

Come, Hong Kong!!

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sat, 05 May 2007 10:08:00 +0000

My flight is at the dawn of tomorrow morning yet here I am dilly-daddlying, half-packed as usual. Heading down to the bustling city that never sleeps. So looking forward to the coming days of sights, sounds and shopping. And most of it all, I am looking forward to seeing again two people after a long five months. Come, Hong Kong and I shall see you again.

What I Miss.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Tue, 01 May 2007 16:07:00 +0000

I miss those times when we just lie there and do nothing but nothing. I miss those times when I lay beside you and start dreaming about our day. I miss those times when you tell me that you love my eyes for it is without makeup and it all.

I miss those days when despite anything and everything, I still wanna be by your side.

For everything that goes on from there, I understand. I really do.

What I miss so very much.

Of Death. And Dying.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 08:44:00 +0000

I feel so out of the world today. Woke up with this feeling that I am dying. My heart was racing so fast yet my energy was lack-lustre. The thing that bothered me was how I was so not afraid of death.

The same few thoughts kept racing through my mind. How long would it take for my parents to discover that I am dead? Would my friends know that I am dead? What would people say at my wake? Will my sisters distribute my belongings equally among themselves? What would happen to my bed, pillow, stuffed bears and puppy? Would my parents bury them along with me or will they keep them to remember me? Will anybody still remember me if I ever die?

Silly as it sounds. I woke up and wrote a very long page in my diary about finality. If I ever die, my final thoughts would still be there. Ever since I was a kid, I have always had the feeling that I am going to die young.

The thought of this might seem ludicrious but I think I am ever more prepared for my curtains down. Really.

Alcohol High!

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 07:15:00 +0000

Even those myriad of lights and my intoxicated slumber could not hide those feelings bubbling in me for the many past few months. It was you and always will be you.

It was alcohol high last night. A tower of Scottish beer and 1 1/2 bottle of whiskey later rendered us happy folks once again. Dinner at Japanese restaurant, Waraku with Elise, Vic, GT and Tina before heading down for drinks. We bar-hopped for awhile before settling on the Pump Room and MoS. At the Pump Room, we had a bewildering tower of beer which amounted to 3.5 litres.
With a considerably lighter head, we walked over to MoS where the couple, Vic and Elise opened 1 1/2 bottle of whiskey. We went to the White Room and they decided to cancel our reserved sofa-bed because we were not whites. Haha. Just kidding. Tina left early and we needed at least one extra person to get our sofa-bed so GT picked up two Irishs*. Heh. GT loves Clarke Quay for all the white men that he gets to ~~lust~~ gawk at.

*Urphs. Apparently both of them are Irish. One of them worked in East Timor and is not from there. Haha.

Till the next time, girlfriends.

Summer. And the Beginning.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 16:55:00 +0000

Last of the exams. Summer break is here.

I thought I would feel happy again. But you know, all these times that you have to yourself kind of makes you feel depressed at the same time. For all that I have been through the past weeks, I wish you knew. But things are always better left unsaid. It always work this way. The harder you try, the more out of reach it becomes.

Read through some of my past blog entries. Where has that vivacious and cheerful girl gone? You tell me. If growing up takes away all my smiles and laughter, I don't wanna grow up that fast afterall.

Summer. Make me happy again.

Slumber.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 18:19:00 +0000

Amazing how little sleep I have been getting by of late. 0530hours. Get some sleep, Huiling. 0630hours. Come on, sleep now. Leave me alone, world. 0740hours. Time to rise. You weren't getting any sleep anyway. Get to school and hand in that term paper. Now.

These days, few things ever seems to make me happy. Those sporadic moments of happiness never seem to be able to last a little longer. I wish they do, you know. Because I cannot remember the last time I felt that way. I really wish you would come back to me, happiness.

And tonight, it shall be those wine and me. Again.

At least sleep would be here soon.

Those Vibes.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 19:26:00 +0000

*Colorplay featuring some of my favorite things in the world: Le Pliage Longchamp "Shopping", Becks the German beer and Anders the laziest bear ever.

Phantom of the Opera.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 16:12:00 +0000

27th September 2006. Les Misérables. Queen's Theatre. London.

25th March 2007. Phantom of the Opera. Esplanade. Singapore.

Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned. Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind. Recall those days, look back on all those times, think of all those things that we'll never do - there will never be a day when I won't think of you.

Journey.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 16:52:00 +0000

*Kismet.

Exactly seven months ago, I boarded a train and travelled on my own to Paris. Cold and scared was all I knew. But I knew I wanted to do this really badly. I am a big girl now. Walking along Seine River and watching the glow of the Eiffel Tower against the sunset of Paris, I knew it was all worth it.

Exactly six months ago, I saw a shooting star along the Rhine River. The stars in the sky were so pretty that I thought it looked like somebody had lavishly dotted them across the skies. Maybe it was that wine but I knew that there was nothing more perfect than this place at that moment. Basking in the afterglow of the stars and night, I made a wish under the blessings of the stars.

Exactly five months ago, I saw the red of autumn leaves and knew that fall had arrived. At night, I went for dinner at this little town called Rüdesheim. It looked like a storm was approaching. Yet all I felt was safe and secure.

Exactly four months ago, I rediscovered the beauty of the Rhine. I captured the orange of the setting sun and told myself that I will never break. I am so much more now. I swore that one day, I would return to this river again.

Exactly three months ago, I skidded and fell on an ice-skating rink in Geneva, Switzerland. Bruises all over my legs and the cold of the winter yet I was smiling. Christmas was near. I drank a hot chocolate and it warmed my stomach instantly against the blasting cold.

Kismet. It must be.

Tired.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 04:27:00 +0000

These days, all I feel is tired, tired and tired from school. What with all my emotional downs, things have not been looking too good since the start of the new year. I cannot wait to get out of this crazy scene. Glad that I will soon be taking a break from this place. Give me time and I promise that I will be new and shiny once again.

Sequel to Copenhagen!

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:07:00 +0000

I just found these pictures in my mailbox, sent to me by Elise and GT three months ago.

Those times in Copenhagen. The bleak and nipping rain. There I was, fresh out of my heartbreak. With the perennial hurt still there. Yet your presence did wonders.

My Wait.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 13:11:00 +0000

It comes all in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I feel so alone that it really kills me inside. And it is all so out of the blue that I start to dream about you.

I still remember vividly the cold and bitter autumn morning during late November. I woke up screaming and yelling. Why am I starting to feel that way again?

I need to believe that good things come to those who wait, for I have nothing else to believe in anymore.

Missed.

noreply@blogger.com (iliketosleep) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 06:56:00 +0000

When you told me that you missed me, you have no idea how happy that made me. It turned my bad day good again.